1. Nag. All parents worry about their overweight child, and they often remind their child about eating and weight issues, either consciously or unconsciously. It never works, yet parents continue to do it. So the next time you open your mouth to say, “Don’t you want to eat a better breakfast?” or “Geez, get off the couch already!”: STOP. Change direction by biting into a raw carrot or going outside for a brisk walk yourself.

2. Ignore it or deny it, and hope it goes away. Also does not usually work. And kids can continue to gain weight, which makes it more difficult to lose later on.

3. Motivate with guilt, i.e. say things like, “Can’t you control yourself?” “If you cared about me, you would stop eating!" Guilt is usually not productive, and it can lead to negative feelings and emotional overeating. In addition, when teens feel guilty, they often do the opposite of what you want them to do.

4. Offer money or prizes. Money is a good motivator as long as the teen needs it and as long as it continues. I do not recommend this unless you want to pay your teen forever, and at increased rates to keep them motivated over time. And what happens when they leave the nest?

5. Remind your teen to reduce food intake during dinner, or, during an overeating episode. When emotions are high, teens can’t listen to advice and parents are not good at giving it. Take a deep breath, say nothing during the moment, and address it at another time when both of you are calm.

6. Talk to your teen about their weight in front of other family members or friends. Some parents use this strategy, especially when they feel that they are running out of good alternatives. But this can lead to feelings of embarrassment and/or anger, leading to emotional overeating (see #3).

7. Ask other people to talk to the teen about their weight. Might work sometimes, but almost guaranteed to annoy or anger your teen, who will resent your visible interference. Plus, any success will be attributed to the influential other, not to you or your teen.

8. Talk to teen in a directive, face-to-face manner. You may think that you need to grab your teen by the shoulders and sit them down for a serious, life-changing encounter, but this is often a recipe for disaster or shut-down. Try casual, spontaneous conversations, ideally triggered by something the teen brings up herself. I’m a big fan of talking in the car, which takes away some of the confrontation because you can’t stare at each other face-to-face.

9. Be the food police. You may think it’s imperative to eliminate all processed foods and whip your family’s tastebuds into whole-grain, high-fiber, and low-fat shape, but teens like to make their own choices. If you’re too dictatorial, it may backfire, and you may find your teen hoarding Snickers bars under the bed or secretly stopping at Dunkin’ Donuts on the way home from school.

10. Worry Too Much About Damaging Their Self-Esteem: Most teens already know they are overweight, and are eager for someone to give them some hope and a path towards a better future. Any “damage” has already been done by the thin-obsessed culture around them – your bringing it up in a gentle, respectful, practical way is only going to make them feel loved and, hopefully, curious about a healthier life ahead.

While you're waiting, enjoy Dr. Boutelle's Top Ten Worst Things Parents Do To Overweight Teens:

1. Nag. All parents worry about their overweight child, and they often remind their child about eating and weight issues, either consciously or unconsciously. It never works, yet parents continue to do it. So the next time you open your mouth to say, “Don’t you want to eat a better breakfast?” or “Geez, get off the couch already!”: STOP. Change direction by biting into a raw carrot or going outside for a brisk walk yourself.

2. Ignore it or deny it, and hope it goes away. Also does not usually work. And kids can continue to gain weight, which makes it more difficult to lose later on.

3. Motivate with guilt, i.e. say things like, “Can’t you control yourself?” “If you cared about me, you would stop eating!" Guilt is usually not productive, and it can lead to negative feelings and emotional overeating. In addition, when teens feel guilty, they often do the opposite of what you want them to do.

4. Offer money or prizes. Money is a good motivator as long as the teen needs it and as long as it continues. I do not recommend this unless you want to pay your teen forever, and at increased rates to keep them motivated over time. And what happens when they leave the nest?

5. Remind your teen to reduce food intake during dinner, or, during an overeating episode. When emotions are high, teens can’t listen to advice and parents are not good at giving it. Take a deep breath, say nothing during the moment, and address it at another time when both of you are calm.

6. Talk to your teen about their weight in front of other family members or friends. Some parents use this strategy, especially when they feel that they are running out of good alternatives. But this can lead to feelings of embarrassment and/or anger, leading to emotional overeating (see #3).

7. Ask other people to talk to the teen about their weight. Might work sometimes, but almost guaranteed to annoy or anger your teen, who will resent your visible interference. Plus, any success will be attributed to the influential other, not to you or your teen.

8. Talk to teen in a directive, face-to-face manner. You may think that you need to grab your teen by the shoulders and sit them down for a serious, life-changing encounter, but this is often a recipe for disaster or shut-down. Try casual, spontaneous conversations, ideally triggered by something the teen brings up herself. I’m a big fan of talking in the car, which takes away some of the confrontation because you can’t stare at each other face-to-face.

9. Be the food police. You may think it’s imperative to eliminate all processed foods and whip your family’s tastebuds into whole-grain, high-fiber, and low-fat shape, but teens like to make their own choices. If you’re too dictatorial, it may backfire, and you may find your teen hoarding Snickers bars under the bed or secretly stopping at Dunkin’ Donuts on the way home from school.

10. Worry Too Much About Damaging Their Self-Esteem: Most teens already know they are overweight, and are eager for someone to give them some hope and a path towards a better future. Any “damage” has already been done by the thin-obsessed culture around them – your bringing it up in a gentle, respectful, practical way is only going to make them feel loved and, hopefully, curious about a healthier life ahead.

* 12 oz. red seedless grapes

* 2 extra-large eggs

* ¼ c. milk

* ½ c. plus one T olive oil

* 1 tsp. vanilla extract

* 1 ½ c. self-rising flour

* 3 T pignoli nuts (pine nuts)

DIRECTIONS:

1.  Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

2. Wash the grapes and discard stems.  Dry grapes well and set aside.

3. In a large bowl, whisk together the eggs, milk, ½ cup olive oil, vanilla, lemon zest, and ½ cup of the sugar.  Blend thoroughly.  Stir in the flour and mix well until smooth.

4. Use 1 T oil to grese an 8-inch pie tiin with a removable bottom and pour in the batter.  Place the grapes evenly, about ¼ iinch apart, in concentric circles on top of the batter to cover the entire surface.  Press the grapes halfway into the batter.  Scatter pignoli nuts evenly on the cake and sprinkle with 1 T of sugar.  Bake for 45 minutes, until golden and firm to the touch.  Remove from the oven and cool.

Recipe courtesy of Eat Fresh Food: Awesome Recipes for Teen Chefs by Rozanne Gold and her All-Star Team.

Dr. Kerri Boutelle, psychologist specializing in weight issues and eating disorders.

1. Nag. All parents worry about their overweight child, and they often remind their child about eating and weight issues, either consciously or unconsciously. It never works, yet parents continue to do it. So the next time you open your mouth to say, “Don’t you want to eat a better breakfast?” or “Geez, get off the couch already!”: STOP. Change direction by biting into a raw carrot or going outside for a brisk walk yourself.

2. Ignore it or deny it, and hope it goes away. Also does not usually work. And kids can continue to gain weight, which  makes it more difficult to lose later on.

3. Motivate with guilt, i.e. say things like, “Can’t you control yourself?” “If you cared about me, you would stop eating!" Guilt is usually not productive, and it can lead to negative feelings and emotional overeating.  In addition, when teens feel guilty, they often do the opposite of what you want them to do.

4. Offer money or prizes. Money is a good motivator as long as the teen needs it and as long as it continues. I do not recommend this unless you want to pay your teen forever, and at increased rates to keep them motivated over time. And what happens when they leave the nest?

5. Remind your teen to reduce food intake during dinner, or, during an overeating episode. When emotions are high, teens can’t listen to advice and parents are not good at giving it. Take a deep breath, say nothing during the moment, and address it at another time when both of you are calm.

6. Talk to your teen about their weight in front of other family members or friends. Some parents use this strategy, especially when they feel that they are running out of good alternatives.  But this can lead to feelings of embarrassment and/or anger, leading to emotional overeating (see #3).

7. Ask other people to talk to the teen about their weight. Might work sometimes, but almost guaranteed to annoy or anger your teen, who will resent your visible interference. Plus, any success will be attributed to the influential other, not to you or your teen.

8. Talk to teen in a directive, face-to-face manner about their weight. You may think that you need to grab your teen by the shoulders and sit them down for a serious, life-changing encounter, but this is often a recipe for disaster or shut-down. Try casual, spontaneous conversations, ideally triggered by something the teen brings up herself. I'm a big fan of talking in the car, which takes away some of the confrontation because you can’t stare at each other face-to-face.

9. Be the food police. You may think it’s imperative to eliminate all processed foods and whip your family’s tastebuds into whole-grain, high-fiber, and low-fat shape, but teens like to make their own choices. If you’re too dictatorial, it may backfire, and you may find your teen hoarding Snickers bars under the bed or secretly stopping at Dunkin’ Donuts on the way home from school.

10. Worry Too Much About Damaging Their Self-Esteem: Most teens already know they are overweight, and are eager for someone to give them some hope and a path towards a better future.  Any “damage” has already been done by the thin-obsessed culture around them – your bringing it up in a gentle, respectful, practical way is only going to make them feel loved and, hopefully, curious about a healthier life ahead.

In everyday life, most people just don't look like thatI Yet, despite some teen magazines' efforts to help girls "get real" about their bodies and to feature more "plus-size" models, the standard is still unattainable for many girls.

Knowing that teens are inspired by experiences of other teens, I interviewed more than 100 young people who were overweight as adolescents, who then slimmed down in healthy ways. While most of them achieved a weight that would be considered healthy, some were still technically overweight.

An important take-home message is that it's all relative—even though they weren't all "thin," all of the teens did reach a weight that made them happier and healthier than they were before. And many of them indicated that, even though they wouldn't mind losing some more, they were, "okay with where they were," weight-wise.

Robin S. captured this attitude well with, "I'm not going to be a skinny person. I thought I was for a minute, but I'm not. It's genetics. Everyone in my family has big hips. This is the way I am. If someone doesn't like it, oh well! As long as I keep maintaining, I'm okay."

A heavier weight than is "ideal", appearance-wise or health-wise, may be realistic for a teen that is very overweight and/or has been overweight since she was quite young. You might be able to help your daughter understand that if she got down much lower, she would likely find it much harder to stay there.

To be sure, most of us have a fantasy weight, and it's often unrealistic. But maybe you can help your daughter get her head around the concept of what I call a "comfortable body weight." It's a weight at which you feel pretty good, given your history. Plus, it's a weight that you don’t have to starve and exercise obsessively to maintain.

Anne Fletcher, MS, RD, is the author of Weight Loss Confidential: How Teens Lose Weight and Keep It Off – And What They Wish Parents Knew and Weight Loss Confidential Journal: Week-by-Week Success Strategies for Teens From Teens (Houghton Mifflin)

Photo By: LeeLeeLu

Optional toppings: 1-2 vine-ripe tomatoes, fresh basil leaves, sliced black olives & shredded parmesan cheese

DIRECTIONS
1. Begin by pre-heating the oven to 350º and boiling a big pot of water (if your noodles require pre-cooking, that is; not all do).

2. Wash veggies dry them really well to prevent watery lasagna (spinach is the major culprit here). Mince garlic and slice zucchini, squash and broccoli.

3. In a large frying pan, sauté garlic in 1 tsp. olive oil until lightly browned. Set aside and let the zucchini, squash and broccoli have a turn. Add another tsp. or two of oil if you need too. Add the mushrooms when zucchini and squash have begun to soften just a bit. Careful not to overcook—your veggies should have a bit of crunch to them.

4. While the veggies are cooking, combine cottage cheese & ricotta in a medium mixing bowl and stir well. Add Italian seasoning and salt and pepper to taste.

5. When your veggies are cooked, and them to the garlic and sauté the spinach alone.

6. Your noodles should be done by now (You want them al dente—not too soft.) so you're ready to assemble! Start with a thin layer of tomato sauce at the bottom of the pan to prevent sticking. Next comes a layer of noodles--Use only enough to cover the pan rather than piling them on. Begin your layer of veggies by spreading the spinach over the noodles, trying to get the layer as even as possible. Add the garlic & veggie mixture. Top with tomato sauce—The amount you use can depend on your taste. Next, add another layer of noodles and top with the creamy cheese mixture. You may not need all of it; this will depend on the size of your lasagna pan. Top with a light sprinkling of shredded mozzarella—you don't need to use the whole package if you're concerned about keeping the fat content down.

7. Toppings can really jazz up your 'sagn! I like to add thinly sliced tomato, black olives and fresh basil leaves.

8. Cover the pan with aluminum foil and bake for an hour. When time is up, slice into the middle to check for doneness. This can be difficult, because your lasagna will inevitably be a little runny, but some of that will set as it cools. If you're using a larger or deeper pan, it may require another 10-15 minutes. If you like your cheese nice and brown, remove the foil before you return the pan to the oven.

9. Allow about 10 minutes for cooling. Approach with caution—tomato sauce is evil when it's hot.

Serving suggestions: Mixed greens with bell pepper and black olives; a slice of crusty whole grain bread (You don't really need bread to go with your pasta, but I LOVE to mop up tomato and cheese with crusty bread!)

Recipe courtesy of Hillary Paul at Healthy Girl Cooking.